My Family is Full of Selfish, Hell-bent Jerks - and Other Bad Starting Points

If you don't have issues, you better check your pulse because you probably don't have one of those either. That's true in families and it's true in churches - local churches and groups of churches.

When disagreements occur, it is very good - let's call it loving - to assume good about our brothers and sisters in Christ instead of evil. I see Christians to the left of me and to the right saying things and making arguments that don't reflect the truth about where the other parties actually are. I have found that my brothers and sisters are wonderful people; not selfish people. Here are some gracious things to assume about your church family members with whom you disagree whether they are more liberal or conservative than you:

1. They are pursuing being right in the practice of their faith. They are not bent on following their own will even if it is against God's.
2. They've read the text. It is not helpful to tell someone to read __________ passage. We have MANY intelligent, well-studied people in our family and all of us have read the texts and still often disagree about what it means in light of all the texts that pertain to a particular topic.
3. They love God, they trust Jesus, they desire the unity of the Spirit, and they love God's Church.

Have the conversation. Paul said that he is confident that in the face of disagreements, we can teach each other while accepting each other and refusing to judge (Romans 15:14). When we converse though, we'll accomplish much more if we assume good-will in our family and start the conversation where people actually are.  - Richard May

Jesus Did Not Commt Suicide

Jesus did not commit suicide and yet...

Knowing what was in Judas' heart, Jesus told him "What you're going to do, do quickly."
Knowing what the soldiers had come to do, he walked from Gethsemane straight to them to be arrested.
Jesus stayed silent before his accusers to hasten what was inevitable.
When everything was finished, according to John, Jesus bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Jesus determined the time of his own death and he gave up his spirit because he had promised regarding his life, "No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again (John 10:18)

When it has become evident to you that you are going to die soon, that your death is going involve excruciating pain for you and for those who love you, and it is not in God's purpose for you to be healed, legitimate question arise as to what you can do to hasten your own death.

Most of us have loved people who were faced with these kinds of difficult questions.  We want them to fight hard to live! So when they've done that, and the end is still approaching, there are still questions.
  
Do I stop eating?
Do I stop chemotherapy?
Do I remove a breathing machine?
Do I refuse surgery?
Do I move to state where it's legal and inject a concoction that will more peacefully cease my breathing and put an end to my pain?

Do I march down the hill toward my inevitable death? Do I do it quickly? 

These are difficult questions. Personal questions. Family type questions. And perhaps, contrary to what we might have previously thought, holy questions.

Richard May

There is much written about why God created a world in which evil exists, but at the end of the day this very cool truth exists: People have many opportunities every day to choose to not do evil toward someone else;but to do good.
1. Give somebody the benefit of the doubt.
2. Forgive somebody whom you could crush.
3. Give somebody a sacrificial gift.
4. Go out of your way to help another.

Instead of...

• Instead of leaving a flyer in my door, come over and chat with me in my yard.
• Instead of yelling at me about hell, point me to some hope.
• Instead of inviting me to your church, invite me to your den.
• Instead of promoting the morality of your political party, lift Jesus up to me.
• Instead of pointing out what's wrong with me, tell me about God's love for me.
• Instead of focusing on converting me, make the attempt to connect with me.
• Instead of moving on to the next victim when you don't catch me on your first attempt, actually want to be my friend.

Powerful Teaching?

The teachings of Jesus were powerful enough to amaze the crowds, silence the self-righteous, and convict the sinful.  They were not, however, powerful enough to give birth to a spiritual family that would last thousands of years and could withstand the gates of hell.  Only a resurrected Jesus could accomplish that. The church didn't make up the story of the resurrection to make Jesus look like a Savior. The church would not have existed to make up any stories if Jesus had never come out of his tomb.

Why Would You Keep Doing the Wrong Thing?

Years ago I realized that for three quarters I had been mailing my estimated tax payments to the incorrect US Treasury address.  The address was for the US Treasury, but not the branch to which I should have addressed my mail.  I asked my tax man, "Since I've sent these three payments to this address, should I go ahead and send this one there, too?"  He looked at me with bewilderment and then asked one of the most significant questions I've ever been asked: "Why would you keep doing the wrong thing?"

Should you be asking yourself that question right now?

Defensive Mode

I was a defensive end for the Kosciusko Whippets in Mississippi.  My responsibility on most plays was containment.  No running back was supposed to get outside of me.  If they did, my teammates who were all inside of me would have little chance to tackle the runner.  Keep them inside.

Because my role was containment, my posture was defensive.  Defensive ends stood instead of getting in a three point stance.  My hands were out in front of me.  My inside leg was back a little.  When an offensive player came to block me, I used my hands to avoid being knocked down.  I would back up, instead of advancing.  I would string out the play.  Obviously, if I got pushed to the sidelines easily, that was a problem, but backing up was fine.  My goal was to keep the play contained until my advancing teammates could pursue the man with the ball.  I played in defensive mode.

The church has been in defensive mode.  Much of what we do that we call ministry is done behind church walls.  We feel safe there.  Defensive mode.

We only read Christian books, watch Christian movies, listen to Christian music, attend Christian schools (or homeschool), and have Christian friends.  Defensive mode.

For many churches, there is not goal to “seek and save the lost.”  The goal is protecting the truth.  Every community I’ve lived in has a church that always stays about 30 strong, has no impact the community, but stands for the truth.  Defensive mode.

We say a lot, “We are in the world, but not of the world.”  We emphasize “of” to affirm that we are not like them.  The truth is, though, we are not in the world.  We are in our buildings.  We might get out occasionally for a two-week mission trip, but we are quickly back to our buildings waiting for the next two-week trip.  Defensive mode.

We string the play out, and string it out, and string it out.  Maybe we are waiting for our other teammates to pursue, but we are finding that we have a bunch of defensive ends.  And we’ve been pushed to the sideline.

Sure, you can boot all the needy people out of your life, refuse to listen to anything but Christian music, only watch Christian movies, only read Christian books, only experience Christian education, and only have Christian friends. You can do that. And you will effectively "hide your light under a bushel."

I'm Never Coming Out of My Comfort Zone Again

“We have to get out of comfort zones.”

A comfort zone sounds like a great place to be, to me.  When I think of my comfort zones, I think of our bedroom.  I think of my hometown. I think of people with whom I can be real.  I think of our office, with our books, looking at our wall art, and typing on our laptop.  Wikipedia quotes Alasdair White to define “comfort zone” as “an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”  While “anxiety-neutral” sounds a little clinical and while it stresses me out to see “behaviors” spelled with a “u,” it still sounds great!

However, comfort zones are often described in negative ways because they are barriers to success. Even when Wikipedia quotes White, these words are added, “usually without a sense of risk.”  There’s the catch.  If we know anything from our exposure to success and leadership books from the last 30 years, we know that there is no growth without risk.  So when those six words end the description of “comfort zone” we get that the comfort zone is no place to be.  At least it is no place to stay.

Usually when I hear the call to “get out of my comfort zone,” I’m listening to someone who is encouraging me to have a spiritual impact on my world.  There are not as many needy people in my comfort zone as I need to serve, so I need to get out of my comfort zone.  The oppressed don’t live in my neighborhood much, so I need to get out of my comfort zone.  I should head to neighborhoods where I am not so comfortable to be serving kingdom style. 

I’ve been considering, though, whether “getting out my comfort zone” is something Jesus would be glad to hear me say I’m doing when I am with the poor, the sick, the oppressed, and the unbeliever.  Jesus was not out of his comfort zone when he was with anybody who needed mercy.  He could be in the home of a Pharisee, a tax collector, or some of his best friends.  He could spend time with a divorcee, an adulterous woman, a governor, a beggar, and a soldier.  And when he is with these people, there is no sense in which Jesus would have said, “I’m glad to get out of my comfort zone to be with these people, but I’ll be glad when I get back to my own comfort zone.”

So I’m never leaving my comfort zone again.  Here’s a start of reasons why.  What would you add?

1.  It would be wrong for me to be uncomfortable around people with whom Jesus would have been comfortable.

2.  I’ve denied it in the past, but I’ll admit that when I’ve been around people and in places outside of my comfort zone, they’ve known it.  I don’t want anybody to feel that I’ll be glad when I can be in my comfort zone – away from them.

3.  I want to be a risk-taker because risk-takers trust in God. Nothing great has been accomplished staying on the comfy couch in the comfort zone.

God Is No Longer My #1 Priority

I’ve removed God from the top of my priority list.  That’s right.  He is off the top of the list of “major concerns of my life.”  He didn’t ever belong there anyway.  It’s way past time for me to make this decision.

Use the best of my time off for him?  No more.

Give him a tenth of my income off the top?  Never again.

Consider him one of my “big rocks?”  No way.

If you want to know what led me to this decision, I’ll tell you.  The decision came from my realization of this truth:  Dead men don’t have priorities.  We don’t have time.  We don’t have money.  We don’t have “big rocks.”

In the context of calling me to set my heart and mind on “things above,” Paul reminds me that I died and that I have been raised with Christ (Col. 3:1-4). 

My new way of living is rooted in my deadness and resurrection with Christ.  Here is why God is no longer my #1 priority:  “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on thiJengs above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.   Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

God is not top priority in my life because Christ is my life.  Everything is about him.   All of my priorities are decided based up his desires and purposes.  This is not me living anymore; it is Christ living in me (Gal. 2:20).  When I’m working, Jesus is my life so I pursue his goals there.  When I’m at home my wife and kids see Jesus when they see me.  Whatever I am doing with money, it will reflect holiness because it all belongs to him.  When I’m at play, I’m not wondering when I can give time for the sake of Christ; people will see Jesus in me.

How would your days be different if Christ got moved off your priority list so that you could make him your life?

Is Anybody Following?

Self Reflection

It's time for some self-reflection.  Somehow what we (Christians) have been doing has made some people think that we are against them.  Perhaps some people think that because they have encountered a so-called Christian who was against them.  We do get lumped into one bunch often, no doubt.

Whatever the reason, we have to change their minds.  Jesus - our leader, teacher, savior, master - was not against people.  He was for people.

He was for the woman caught in the very act of adultery.  He forgave her and, because he was for her, called her to give up the sin that was bringing her down.  He invited her to a life of purity.  This was a better life; the best life!  He was for her.

He was also for the men who had brought the woman to Jesus.  Their self-righteousness, unbelief, and judgmental spirit was going to destroy them as they stoned this woman.  Jesus caused them to evaluate themselves and they all walked away without blood on their hands.  Jesus was for the stoners.

What do you think Jesus wanted to accomplish as he lived among us?  The gospels say that he came to save the lost.  He came so that we could have life to the full.

He was not focused on making sure that everybody knew the difference between him and the "sinners."  In fact, he became sin for us.  He was holy, righteous, perfect, and sinless; yet instead of behaving in a way that pushed  sinners away, he identified with them.  He ate with them.  He was friends with them.  And they followed him.

Did you get that?  They followed him.

If we are really for people, if we are really interested in leading them to the abundant life, we need to do something different.

Turn around and look at who we are trying to lead.  "Sinners" feel, in many instances, like we are against them; so they aren't following.  They are huddling together getting prepared to fight because they think that we are attacking.

It isn't enough to say, "They have the wrong impression."  If they do, it is up to us to make another impression.  That isn't easy.  It takes time, dialogue, determination, understanding and love.  We have to do it.

Confession to Move Beyond the Sins of the Fathers

“Surely I was sinful from birth; sinful from the time my mother conceived me!” (Psalm 51:5)

David was using a poetic tool called hyperbole as he wrote those words.  He’s not teaching theology, he’s expressing incredible guilt.  He had been sinning a long time.  He lusted for Bathsheba, fornicated with her (perhaps raping her), and then had her husband killed to cover up his sin.  He had been sinning a long time, and as he expressed, he felt as though he had been sinning since his conception!

Some of us have experienced the consequences of sin so long, we feel just like David.  We look back over our life and we see this perpetual struggle with a sin that we feel we just can’t shake and then we look a little farther back.  We realize that the sin with which we struggle has kind of been inherited. Again, this isn’t about theology; it’s about life.  Unfaithfulness, drunkenness, abuse, self-centeredness, love of money, dishonesty, sexual immorality, bigotry, or uncontrolled anger have existed in your family for years; more years than you’ve been alive.  And you feel the heavy burden of sin.

There will likely be a number of important steps to take for you to break this generational cycle of sin.  Really trusting in the forgiveness of God and letting the body of Christ help (starting with your spouse if you are married) are two great decisions.  But one of the first steps is going to be the same step of the Israelites who gathered after the reading of the law:  they confessed the sins of their fathers and their own entanglement in them.

“Our kings, our leaders, our priests and our fathers did not follow your law; they did not pay attention to your commands or the warnings you gave them.  Even while they were in their kingdom, enjoying your great goodness to them in the spacious and fertile land you gave them, they did not serve you or turn from their evil ways. But see, we are slaves today, slaves in the land you gave our forefathers so they could eat its fruit and the other good things it produces.  Because of our sins, its abundant harvest goes to the kings you have placed over us. They rule over our bodies and our cattle as they please. We are in great distress” (Neh. 9:34-37).

Get it out there.  Pray, admitting this sin to God.  Cry that your predecessors did it  Weep that you do it.  Agree with God that your sin has brought you trouble, and then admit to others.  Get others praying.  Get others in your business. There’s no shame in admitting sin, only staying in it.  Staying in it will lead to more shame and death - and more generations entangle in it.  Confessing it is an important step to peace and holiness!  That’s Life at Work!

Two months ago I listened to One.Life: Jesus Calls, We Follow by Scot McKnight.  Tonight, I'm reading in the May/June 2011 issue of Relevant Magazine.  They've got an article from McKnight that called, "What Does
'Kingdom' Mean, Anyway."

In the book McKnight contends that evangelicals have been off center with their focus on how the kingdom of God is all about our personal relationship with Jesus.  He says there has been an over emphasis on how the kingdom is within the Christian to an exclusion of the kingdom being ..... the church.

Relevant utilizes an incredibly cool website for reading issues.  Click here.  Click the "Click here to read." Find the table of contents and then click on his article.  It's on the "Deeper Walk" page.

Then come back here and tell us what you think!

Doctrine and Praise Connection

From my dad's Preacher Talk:  "Doctrine that does not lead to praise is cold orthodoxy.  Praise that does not lead to obedience is meaningless emotionalism."

My Hero is the Local Church

“My hero is the local church.” I wish I could remember what channel the TV was on. I wish I could recall who said it. A man was describing his experience following the terrible tornado that struck Tuscaloosa on April 27, 2011. He had seen the devastation and he had seen the response to it. These were his words: “My hero is the local church.”

We used to live eastern Mississippi. Our house - next to the church building, next to the graveyard, across from the cow pasture and the lone oak for which the community was named - was an hour west of Tuscaloosa. We know the people who were hurt. We’ve driven the path of the tornado.

And we know the churches in the area. They are people with the heart of the compassionate Christ. They spent their energy, they gave their money, they wasted no time, they held nothing back, and they haven’t left yet.

Now, just short of a month after that Tuscaloosa twister, and immediately after the tornado that tore through Joplin, MO a twister strikes close to home in Oklahoma. Just north of our small town, the smaller town of Piedmont was hit by an EF-4 tornado. People died here, too, as a result of this wind. Many more lives were forever changed. We drove up on Tuesday night to see if we could join the search for a three year-old that was missing. We couldn’t believe the destruction we witnessed.

I’ve been preaching on a fill-in basis for a church in Piedmont for the past several months. I can write knowledgably about them. They are heroes. They are a local church, dealing faithfully with their own pain, and at the same time, bearing the burdens of their community. Their fellowship hall has become a center for supplies, clothes, and hugs. They are cleaning, praying, feeding (twice per day), and comforting their community. By the way, when I say feeding, I don’t mean they are opening their building so people can come eat (though anybody could). They are loading up vehicles and delivering the meals they have prepared to the people who are cleaning up their homes – or their slabs in many cases. And where they run short of supplies and volunteers, other local churches come to the rescue.

I appreciate the American Red Cross – you can tell because I carry a volunteer card in my wallet. Thank you America Red Cross for what you do. In cases like this, though, even the ARC parks their vehicles in the parking lot of FBC of Piedmont.

My hero is the local church.

This Can’t Be Good

Many of us "believers" separate ourselves from Camping's camp because we don't believe that knowing the day is doable. I wonder, though, whether unbelievers see our often comedic approach to separating ourselves as simply the nuts turning on other nuts.

The truth is, we've been happy with our kingdom concept that separation is a good thing. After all, 300 denominations give room for people to choose a group with which they are comfortable. Three hundred splinters (sometimes called branches) can more effectively reach a diverse unbelieving culture. Do you remember that number: 300? That was the number of denominations in existence in the Handbook of Denominations book that I read in 1984. The book was probably pretty old then. That estimate is majorly old now. According to a recent Christianity Today blurb, there are now 42,000 denominations.

Are we happy with that? Is that a good thing? I don't think so. If I were an unbeliever with little knowledge of the splintering of the church, this prediction of the coming would confirm one thing for me: All Christians are fruitcakes.

And if I were an unbeliever who had some extended knowledge of the splintering of the church, this prediction and the reaction of other believers to it would confirm one thing for me: Christ is divided.

 

Shut Up and Say It

My dad, Cecil May, Jr. began editing "Preacher Talk" during his days as president of Magnolia Bible College. He continues sending it out from the printing presses at Faulkner. It the March 2007 issue, he gaves some advice to public speakers that I remember him giving me early on in my own ministry. This advice has served me well.

"If you agree to do something, do it. Don't start by apologizing. If you feel inadequate - if you didn't get the time needed to prepare, if you are hoarse, if you are new at it - still just do it. If you are not really adequate, some will know it without your telling them, but many will think you did fine. Rejoice that you could fill a need spot." ("Preacher Talk; March 2007).

Life for the Birds

For the Birds 2001 from Le Thanh Sang on Vimeo.

Small Group Dynamics asks if anything like what you see in this video has happened in a small group setting. What do you think is the main small group dynamic that must be in place to keep this kind of thing from happening?

That's Life at Work!

Where I Am

I would rather say something about where I am than where I'm not. I am in ministry with my wife to bring about radical change in the way we do marriage – not just "us" as in me and her; all of us. Even if you "do marriage right," the way that your experience is shared with other needs to change.

My marriage was horrible a number of years ago and help was not easy to find. Being in ministry made help harder to find. We were shown mercy and we got some assistance, but we will make sure that others don't find aid so difficult to find in the future.

We will do that by coaching couples through spiritual change that will lead to radical change in relationships. We will accomplish that by helping churches develop ministries that focus on marriage. We will promote and develop pre-marriage ministries for universities and communities. We will be proactive in every way to:

1. Minimize the occurrences of divorce.
   
2. Maximize the percentage of homes characterized by marital holiness and joy.
   

I'm not in "local ministry" anymore. Since 1984, ministry for me has been primarily about local churches. I was a youth minister for a church in Vicksburg, MS; and I preached for churches in Winona and Steens, MS; Cleveland, Tennessee; and Yukon, OK. As of June 30, 2010, my ministry has changed. Because JeannaLynn and I have a particular fondness for couples in ministry, my prayer is that twenty years from now, we will have helped untold numbers of preachers and their wives continue in ministry that otherwise might have collapsed because of unhealthy marriage.

You can follow the links on the side to What God Has Joined Ministries to see what we are about. We have a blog there, too. I'm going to continue to post on this blog because preaching and things pertaining to preaching are in my blood.

Pray for this new direction, please. Come back soon. There are a couple of things I've got in mind to write here. That's Life at Work.

Value of Spiritual Mindset

Paul told the Romans that those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. I believe that a spiritual mindset could also be described as desiring to do what is good (7:18), delighting in God's law (7:22), or being in one's mind a slave to God's law (7:25). Paul's struggle as one who wanted to do right, but didn't do it, put him in a horrible predicament as long as he was under the Law of Moses. He was dead even though he wanted to do right. After all, the law of sin and death is "You sin, you die."

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, though! As a baptized believer, Paul had died to sin and the law of the Spirit of Life had set him free from the law of sin and death. Before faith, when he sinned, he died. That was the law.

Now a more powerful law put him in a relationship with God in which when he sinned, because he has the Spirit, he lived! The law of sin and death had no authority in his life.

If you are in Christ, you have your mindset on what the Spirit desires. You know what the Spirit desires! His fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You know that when you are struck, his way directs you to turn the other cheek. The Spirit's way is one of "extra-mile" living, enemy loving, truth telling, marriage sticking, anger controlling, self-less giving, cross carrying, Christ-modeled forgiving, and mercy offering.

When you have the war going on between what you desire in your mind and what you actually do in the flesh, you can be assured that God knows your mindset, he knows your heart, and for you there is no condemnation when you do what you don't want to do – or fail to do what you want to do. We don't have to worry over "the wretched man" syndrome. Yet, doesn't the war in our minds make us want to get better at the battle? Of course it does. Considering the power of sin, is there any hope for that? After all, while my salvation is not based on my ability to ultimately refuse all temptation, committing the sin does often still consequences beyond the sorrow.

N. T. Wright wrote After You Believe (Harper Collins Publishers) and Relevant magazine (www.relevantmagazine.com) included an excerpt in the article "Living in the In-Between" (July-Aug 2010, p. 66-67). He addressed the impact of spiritual "effort and concentration" (i.e. mindset). His description of "virtue" from 2 Peter 1:5 ("goodness" in NIV), affirms the hope we have for winning more battles by God's grace!

Virtue, in this sense, isn't simply another way of saying "goodness." The word has sometimes been flattened out like that (perhaps because we instinctively want to escape its challenge). Virtue, in this strict sense, is what happens when someone has made a thousand small choices, requiring effort and concentration, to do something which is good and right but which doesn't "come naturally" - and then, on the thousand and first time, when it really matters, they find that they do what's required "automatically," as we say. On that thousand and first occasion, it does indeed look as if it "just happens"; but reflection tells us it doesn't just happen as easily as that. Virtue doesn't come by accident. It comes through the self-discipline required to do anything in life really well - to learn a musical instrument, to mend a tractor, to give a lecture, to run an orphanage. Or, indeed, to live as a wise human being.

A mindset on holy living reveals that we are "in Christ" where there is not condemnation. That same mindset is the beginning for developing Christ-like virtue so that we can live as wise citizens, employees, husbands, wives, parents, and children.

Care to mention virtue in a particular area that you've seen grow in someone – even yourself?

That's Life at Work!